My Dad Just Called Me…

And the following conversation took place:

Me: Hello?

Dad: Hi sweetie.

Me: Hey Dad.

Dad: Did you hear about what the supreme court just decided in that case in Massachusetts?

Me: No, about what?

Dad: About that prisoner–

Me: What are you talking about?

Dad: In Massachusetts they just decided the system has to pay for an inmates sex change surgery.

Me: Well, they have state-mandated health insurance in Mass, and so the state should pay for this prisoner’s health care.

Dad: Well, if I was a tax payer in Massachusetts I would be pretty pissed off.

Me: Why?

Dad: Because that’s not a necessary medical treatment.

Me: Dad, gender reassignment surgery is absolutely medically necessary.  Many people commit suicide over the disconnect they feel between their brain and their body.

Dad: Well, I don’t understand it.

Me: Absolutely, you don’t understand it, many people don’t, and that’s why there needs to be more education on it.

Then dad changed the subject to some other political thing he wanted to be pissed about.


And then I praised myself for not hanging up on the bigot.  I know this was his way of trying to connect with me, of trying to raise the topic.  I choose to believe this was his way of reaching out, to try to understand.  But he clearly wasn’t even listening to the shit coming out of his mouth.  He scoffed at the decision to pay for the procedure, and relayed it to me as though I would be on his side.  Are you fucking kidding me?  DON’T YOU REMEMBER YOUR KID TELLING YOU HE WAS TRANS AND HE HAD A FUCKING SURGERY TO REMOVE HIS TITS?

Dumb motherfucker.  I’m sorry to say it like that, but I’m pissed and this is my blog.  So fuck that shit.

After I’m done being angry, I’m going to look up some books to buy him for Christmas. Months ago I sent him email resources he chose to ignore.  But I don’t feel like giving up yet, especially since he tried to “reach out” to me today.

Even when it’s hard, try to be nice to yourselves,
Your Pal Eli

16 thoughts on “My Dad Just Called Me…

  1. books are probably a good idea! personally, i’ve had better success in reaching people by sending them shit to read/watch.

    also, i’m in awe of your patience; i’m the “don’t need fucking bigots cluttering up my life” type of cat. it hasn’t worked out very well for my family as far as size goes. so, yeah, your dad’s lucky to have you for a kid rather than some asshole like me.

    seriously, i hope he gets it together.

  2. Deep breaths… deep breaths.
    A very long time ago I had an epiphany. I realized that despite their educations my parents were not the sharpest tools in the shed. They were conformists who were happy to rely on social convention rather than go through the trouble of personally considering ideas and situations. It’s much easier (and socially safer) to adopt established public opinions than to risk forming your own. It allows for the comfort of ‘belonging’.
    Once that was clear, what they thought mattered a whole lot less, because it’s not even what they think. It’s just what they repeat so they can assert and confirm their own identities in the social hierarchy.

    • So I’m compiling a new blog post, and looking over old posts, and I see I never responded to this comment. So sorry E. What you say here is so true: much of what my dad believes isn’t even really his beliefs–they’re sloppy assumptions and regurgitation. These assumptions make him feel safe.

  3. Odd that I read that and expected conversations to be like that with my dad one day, when I’m no longer living at home. Usually, if people start conversations like that with me now, if I know them well enough, I’ll bite their heads off without regret. If I don’t know them well enough, I usually just hold it in and punch something later (not to mention the ol’ keyboard-bashing) 😉

    My parents mean well, but there’s still a fair amount of this, especially from my dad in the bigot sense, so you have my total sympathies there! And my mum, while she’s doing better than my dad in pretty much every way, she has essentially denied me permission to tell anyone on her side of the family for fear of “causing problems due to them not being educated enough in this area” or something like that, nor has she told (or allowed me to tell) any of her friends who know me, or her colleagues who know me, or, erm, anyone; my dad’s family are more bigoted than he is, which is why I’ve not seen any of them for years, by choice. You have far more patience than I do, and I applaud you for it.

    I hope he starts working harder. I really do. Sigh. (Parents these days…)
    In the meantime, keep hanging in there. Oops, that turned out longer than I thought… 😀


    • JC,

      Thanks for your thoughtful response, as always. 😉

      I just give my dad the information, and if he choose not to make the effort with it, then it shows me what he thinks of me. And either way, I’m fine, I just like to know where I stand.

      I’m tired of holding myself responsible for other people’s behaviors. So I’m not doing that anymore.


  4. This makes me angry D: but to be honest, I am not sure whether he was trying to “reach out”, or simply to convey a message of being pissed. Of course, he is your father and you would know better from his tone, words, etc. . .

    • He’s not a bad guy; he’s just a lazy one: he is coming around, and I have to allow him his own process, just like I expect other people to respect my coming out process.

  5. Pingback: Retrospect | My Life Without Tits

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