The Bottom Line

Why not bottom surgery?

I just don’t feel the need or desire to have bottom surgery.  While there is a trans component to my identity, I don’t think I am a man, or need/would like bio male matching bottom pieces.  I have always felt discomfort with my chest, always felt it incongruent with my self-image and identity.  But I never really felt that with my lower half.  I am butch, for sure, and I am most comfortable in my skin when identifying as something in-between.  I am a dyke who does’t want to have breasts, and let me tell you, there are loads of us out there.

When I think about my body as having a nice flat chest, with whatever pectoral definition a good weight routine, a smart diet, and my own genetics can give me, I feel that to be my appropriate upper body.  I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago (uterine cancer, and effects of that on my gender will probably be another blog post altogether) and to have female bottom bits with no menstruation feels just right to me.  I don’t mean to be unduly vulgar, but for me, it’s a cunt, and I think about it, have similar feeling toward it, as men do for their cocks.  That is, it’s not an approximation of a cock, it’s the butch bottom piece for a dyke.  It is not a vagina, or  a who-ha, or whatever ridiculous names women give their sex organs when they don’t want to acknowledge them or won’t claim them.  My cunt is proactive, dominant.

When I was a kid I absolutely wanted to be a little boy; but that was before I knew there were other options for those of us bio little girls who were romantically interested in other girls and who were tomboys in spirit and action.  Now I know I don’t have to be a man to be masculine, don’t have to have a penis to have a flat chest.  The only requirements I am putting on myself involve being true to myself, whatever bodily form that truth inhabits.

Be nice to yourselves,
Your Pal Eli

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